just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
