I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
