Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
