I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
