My Higher Power is John Stamos
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
