sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize