too bad you live with your parents still
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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