First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
