I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Is it because I queefed?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
