I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
