We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
