A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
