I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
