I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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