1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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