bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
