She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
