I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
