I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize