Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
how does that bad decision feel?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
