sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
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