I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
