You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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