She said her name was "party"
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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