You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
