I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
