Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I came so hard my ears popped.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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