i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
