somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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