im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
