Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
