mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
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it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
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Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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