I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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