She's JV to your varsity
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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