dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
