The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
