I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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