my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
