about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
