Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
