yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Randomize
