you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
