problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
