My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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