Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
