just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
