umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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