you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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