Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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