wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize