By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
