...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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