I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
We are all done wearing pants today
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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