Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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