I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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