i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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