The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
