Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
