omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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