Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
