I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Enjoy the penises
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
