If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
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After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
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THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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