Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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