chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You need Xanax blowdarts
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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